'From my notebook': 7 April 1987

(Notes from a Seminar, supplemented by my own notes)
Low self-esteem is the devil's greatest tool

- WHY?
Why is this the devil's greatest weapon?
Self image = an important factor in determining the course of our life, very influential (second only to our concept of God).

'Psycho-cybernetics' - "Steering your mind to a productive, useful goal .... so you can reach the greatest port in the world ... peace of mind." (Dr. Maxwell Maltz)
New faces = new futures - book of case histories showing amazing changes which can take place
BUT: some failures - even after plastic surgery, some people don't change their self-image. New faces do not automatically change self-image

- possible to change the picture they have of themselves. Reconstruct and remove old emotional scars.

Self-image is the key to change, and the key to relationships.

1) Sense of belongingness - of being loved, wanted, accepted, enjoyed, etc. (believed to begin before birth!)

2) Sense of worth and being

3) Being comptetent - able to cope

These three combine to give triad of feelings. Where do these concepts come from?
(Evolutionary -v- Child of God? 'Clever animal' -v- 'super system' (like a computer)?


What are the things of Christian life that help us to build up in these three areas, of belonging, of sense of worth, of being able to cope?

Caught up into God's family - and also learn we have part to play in God's plan. Cross + doctrine of redemption - covenant relationship - BOUGHT us by his blood.
The doctrine of Grace + irrespective of education, etc., we take our place within the church - no distinctions of status, or of powerlessness, all under grace.

How can church give people this feeling of intrinsic value and worth?
- show real love in concern for them, sharing, etc.; take interest in what is going on in their lives (even the most 'difficult' people to deal with may meet love in the church to build up sense of worth).
- recognising God-given gifts
- allowing people to contribute in any way they can; each job IS important

How can church give people this feeling of competence?
- Apostle Paul: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". God gives the strength - he enables us to do the jobs he has called us to;
- people may need to be helped to recognise that things or gifts God has given are God-given and important (may require an act of Faith - stepping out in belief that God will be able to uphold us)

Factors affecting concept of self:
1) Outer world: inheritance, birth, infancy, experiences to date - how were we treated in early years?
2) Inner world
3) Satan & forces of evil
4) God

Formative years = most important
'Looking glass self' - in childhood we see ourselves by how others relate to us ('Now we see in a mirror dimly ...') . Part of maturity is gaining a fuller understanding.
We begin to take on the shape of the person we see reflected in the way our parents see us - how they treat us. What if their view of us is distorted by their own experiences? That distorted perception can distort us.

Our feelings of inadequacy stop us being our best for Jesus.

Being neglected in our formative years; cut-downs, syrupy, make-believe love: these lead to hurts and emotional scars that can last a lifetime. [USEFUL TO GAIN INSIGHT, BUT NOT TO APPORTION BLAME]

Here ends the notes from the seminar. The following comments were thoughts triggered by the seminar:

LET'S NOT CRIPPLE OUR CHILDREN WITH OUR OWN INADEQUACIES!

Vicious circle - if parents are not themselves emotionally mature, how can they successfully bring children to this maturity? If the tools for self-determination are not placed firmly in the hands of young adults, can they ever break the cycle? How does society help to make young adults feel they belong - foster a sense of worth, of being comptetent and able to cope? What sense of worth does a widow raising young children feel? If we take money as a measure of value - how much do we value our housewives and mothers and widows? What importance is placed on these roles in our society? They have the tremendous responsibility of raising the future generation, yet how much do they get paid for doing it?

Mothers are constantly under attack - ie. their self-esteem negatively influenced by insidious powers of modern society - ad-man's image of perfect house, perfect mum - gourmet cook, career woman and home-maker par excellence. If they don't match up to these impossible ideals, they experience feelings of failure.

This, plus their own emotional scars and clutter, adversely affects their ability to deal in a detached way, yet with loving involvement, with their children. Our own negative experiences cause us to react negatively to our children. We repeat our own childhood patterns of discipline - follow the imperfect examples our own parents set - UNLESS the circle can be broken.